I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
