I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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