I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
