operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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