And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
