My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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