Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
