Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
