if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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