HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
