The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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