"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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