due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
