The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Found the puke drawer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
