How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
