why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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