Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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