please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
