i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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