where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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