Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
