He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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