DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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