porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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