He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were trust falling into bushes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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