I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
