The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
