The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
