So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
