ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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