Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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