I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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