I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
