Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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