True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
