Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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