Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
