Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
