I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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