Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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