I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
