Sry I called you an 8
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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