This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
