I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
