Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
