omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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