Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
