Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
