i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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