I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
