i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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