I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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