Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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