Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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